I endured two years of intense therapy to let the pain go. I went to bereavement therapy after my mom passed away and it was VERY helpful and it was free, too. He is the reason for the type of music I like, the movies and video games i like. My dad hung himself yesterday and Im lost. You may feel angry with the person, with the world, with God, with yourself. All the ways I found could fail,leave me in a coma etc. Do your best not to succumb to the urge to numb too muchit only prolongs the acute agony and can lead to addictions that simply compound the pain. I feel like Im losing ground and falling into a hole. I know she was hugging my heart when I dove with manta rays down in the deep blue.I know she was hugging my heart when I met my boyfriend who happens to live in the same street where she was living. Carolyn, Im so sorry for your loss. I tried everything over the course of our relationship to help him. Angela, What a great analogy, a tornado that sucked you into its center. Approximately 90%of those who die by suicide have one or more mental disorders. Sean Berrios says: February 26, 2018 at 7:22 pm. To know that Ill never hear those words from him again, never hear his voice, never be able to kiss him again, touch him kills me. Until now that i am 24 years old. As soon as Se unity got here the ambulance and fire dept were here. I know he is with me. But in her field and with her level of success, I feel she was surrounded by too many yes people people whom she could easily fool into believing she was ok, and many who were just simply too afraid to speak up, or over-step their boundaries. i am shouting this out loud to the world to say that i am sorry and the chumping of my future self stops today! Then there was a motor vehicle accident that cause chronic pain-the trifecta! Its destroyed every part of my being, as if that day, that moment, everything plays over and over in my mind. Im a happy person but this scene comes and goes in waves and makes me so depresses. I provided for them the whole time we were married. The police came in to inform us that she hanged herself in a homeless unit, her partner found her and they tried to revive her. He was 600 miles away from us. I only knew him for 7 months and it is haunting me, so I cant imagine what they must be feeling. I know God has always been there for me and gotten me through a lot but Im to the point of questioning everything. this post has helped me. I know and my family knows it wasnt him that made that decision that night. On Monday at about 5:30 with my mom, brothers, his brother and myself all by his side the nurses took out the tube. Anonymous September 3, 2021 at 7:48 am Reply. This is a nightmare. As each one connected with me, we found relief and a little bit of healing. My big sister of 29 yo decided to transform herself into an invisible angel 14 years ago. Forever timestamped on my phone and he told me he was dying, he sounded drunk to me and I kept asking him where he was. I panicked and started to plead and beg the woman I loved more than life, more than living ,well more than anything to please stop and not do this. Its a shit feeling knowing that youll never see or hear someone again. He was only 14 years old. But he kept refusing. Its 1 year later and its finally hitting me that my brother is actually gone. She told people about her bad home life, and her depression. Linda My son took his life by hanging on 16th February this year. Email me if you want. But what was pressing was living through my friends multiple attempts each one worse than the next. I was praying for a miracle but its been 8 days. I didnt mean it when I realized I needed to stop being stupid and long story short he came back home 2 days late but I was still somehow determined to get us to work even if it was that last thing I did that week was good we discussed our problems rather than yelled then that Sunday I got mad I left him in his truck the last words I told him was you know Im right! He shot himself in his truck.. his family blames me and sometimes I do too but then I look at everything and realize he was broken when he came here.. Im only 21 how do I cope? when I told him it was like listing to someone ripping his heart out. She chose to take her life, November 16, 2021, by shooting herself in the head. She had been agoraphobic for a year. Chan, Im so very sorry for the loss of your sister, how heartbreaking! His death was a waste and his body was wasted. His so called friends mocked him when he did not drink calling him names, alcohol does not help Bipolar at all, they had seen it. You are loved. Now, in the midst of my on journey through the wildness of grief, after the completion of suicide of my nephew this past Easter, Im now numb and know many of these truths will have new meaning in my life now and moving forward. I am immensely grateful for the few websites I have found that talk about suicide grief, as it makes me feel a little less alone with my grief. Wishing you strength and good days to come. My brother killed himself when I was 12. Although commonalities exist amongst people who have experienced a specific type of loss, individualgrief is uniqueto the person experiencing it and their relationship with the person who died. hugs I think he very well possibly had some kind of undiagnosed mental illness going on that contributed to it. She had stopped taking her meds and talking to therapists over a year ago, repeatedly said she was broken and couldnt be fixed. I see all these comments and understand the shadow of some of the pains. It hurts that we talked about getting old together and even made jokes about it. Something inside me knew it wouldnt happen. But from my grandpas perspective I understand what happened. Thank you for taking the time to read this and for any for any advice I can get. i never got to say goodbye. Me and my sister raced to the hospital when we got there we found out she shot herself in the head thru her mouth. I love you son. I am asked am I over it ? He said he was disgusting human being with a sick fucked up head who deserved nothing but pain and death. Xx. The way peop,e looked at me. Arce February 28, 2023 at 12:59 am Reply. I started to grow a crush on her, and started to knock at his door often, but really it was only to spend time with Her. My mom and his cousin were trying to help him and talk to him before he did it, but he ended up saying some hurtful things to my mom and she had to step into their bedroom with his cousin and she tried to calm my mom down. and Ill never forget those eyes staring back at me and informing me shed shot herself in the head and was dead. About a year later and a whole lot of other issues (oldest came out as transgender amongst them) I had an epiphany: what good does it due to be angry with a dead man.? I had walked past his room one day and noticed a rope on his bed. he killed himself. All business and paperwork was organized and his note told his wife where to find everything. I dont know if being angry at other people counts cause God knows the anger I feel being told I need to move past it and live my life..like Ive just been waiting for someone to tell me that and now Ill be all better. I so feel your pain, just one day later on the 19th April I lost my younger brother I never felt pain like it my heart is broken. He was certainly going through some things that are independent of your relationship. It has been one month since my brother passed away with only 28 years of life. These suggestions are useful in that it is necessary for society on a whole to shift the way we talk about suicide. I highly recommend this to be a useful part of support for those left behind. But at the end of the day it was about the kids, how do I go from a dad with an ex-wife and two kids with a mother, who was active with them up until the last 20 minutes of her life to this? Im sorry to hear about your loved ones passing. And even the few times I would think of him, I didnt act. You may feel like you should feel sadder. May David rest in peace. How could you do that to me? Finding it 30 yrs later has opened up old wounds again and i find myself worrying about my son too and hes only 11 weeks old. I loved him and never loved someone like this before, we had a special relationship and we knew each other since I was 16 and he was 19. On the second day it suddenly hit me that to be a young woman between the ages of 12 and 16 and lose your mother to unexpected suicide Isa potentially life-wrecking traumatic event that could potentially affect these children for decades, or longer. I can only imagine the pain youre experiencing. My father killed himself almost a month ago (12/13/18). And that he was in pain. Michelle, I lost my beloved daughter in July 7th 2019. For me its the way he died. sometimes i just pretend shes on a long vacation and will come back one day. If you are every in a hole so deep you are thinking of hurting yourself or just need someone to talk with, you can always call 988 to reach a crisis hotline in your area. Your story sounds similar to mine.. except it was my brother who took his own life 10yrs ago now. Today Ive cried since I awoke at 4:30 and all day long. I called to her saying Lindsey please come in the house,You will get pneumonia.Now she came back in the kitchen and she said Im going to hang myself, In my anger with my face still stinging as Im sure hers was I said Go Ahead.NEVER NEVER NEVER even remotely thinking it was real. But later insinuating thats just what he told the police. It will help you connect with your emotions, feelings etcsometimes they even have group sessions where others can speak and talk and you build a support system just to ease the pain and burden. Only hope is that eventually will start to feel better. My heart goes out to each every one of you. I dont think i will ever get over the shock and i longed to see her beautiful face and wonderful happy personality. We had argued, and I said horrible things. If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal. He took his life in front of both my parents. I hurt for you and anyone else who has to go through this. I dont want it getting out yet because that makes it real. Anyway, Im just looking to connect with anyone that also lost their significant other- especially after they had a baby. It was never about money for either of us. They didnt seem to think he was at risk. I sleep with his sweater every night and I talk to him even though he is not here. Custody of his daughter was returned to his ex-wife, and he would come home for a few days, rapidly decline in terms of paranoia ( would not eat anything I cooked, was insistent that we were going broke) and he refused to bathe. Just wanted to share. He was worried about where to met up with his class. I have felt alone in my grief, but funnily enough I met my boyfriend recently and discovered that he also lost his mother to suicide. Im just still so lost. The officers told me my fiance must have been gone for 20 minutes or so, it had taken me that long to arrive home and try and stop him. I feel like Im not able to grieve properly. But he knew it was something that made him a different person. Sending you love. She left suicide notes we cant have them until after the investigation. Please never ever be afraid to get the help you need the help and support you deserve as a human being! It's now thought Scott's death wasn't an isolated case. I left a card on the doorstep and hope to hear from them soon, but eve Im not sure how supportive I can really be for them. I cannot think about any type of suicide with immediately crying, and its been over 2 years now. Im having a hard time processing my nieces death, but I knew it was a bad trigger time for Erin. Its hurting me and I barely knew him. I am sad. The last thing I said to him was that I loved him, and I always will. When we lost him to a sudden heart attack right in front of both of us we fell apart. He was 20 years old and he was so smart and funny and was always helping me and his brother. I knew the guys name but didnt even connect the two. My wife bore my sons and daughters. Almost like you shouldn't be coping and moving on. I didnt even get a chance to hug him goodbye and its wrecking me. Both of my brothers killed them selves. Please dont despair. We spent the day together, even attending an Xmas work party. I learned last week that my friend died of suicide, although the cause of death was not made clear. Yes, the loss is immensely unbearable, if not worse. Medicare will pay for bereavement therapy for 13 months after your loved one dies, but you have to look around for it, you can find help. Beyond surviving Know you can survive. Please be gentle with yourself. Thats the only way I will ever say it. I keep trying to read on how to work through my grief, how to figure out the way to live without him, and i keep reading about the stages of grief. May God help me get through another day as each day is a challenge and no one knows just what his death has done to my soul, Beverly malone July 8, 2016 at 3:45 pm Reply. The silent treatments. times were extremely hard following the death of someone with whom i had made so many plans! The way I found him is etched in my mind, and will probably never go away. I go to therapy and its really helped me to process. He was so smart and was the only one i could have the wierd talks. I worked my a** off for her and our family. This to me is how she would want me to act, and I would want her to act this way if it were me who committed suicide. Too bad for the listener! I go to therapy. I told my co-workers I felt something wrong, and at 5 pm rushed home and searched until I found him. Sending you all the support for your air travels and an internet hug. My brother took his own life 22 years ago. I agree that we shouldnt have to be so careful about wording when we are talking about our own experience with a family members suicide. They appeared to be happy. But often times good people still do bad things when substances are involved. The family decides to keep the suicide a secret. poor him. I just think its the truth! He just hid it so well. I research life after death every night and it some how soothes me. The wife happily signed over his body, belongings. The drug use continued to what ever drug he could get. I lost my wife on her second suicide attempt last year just before the pandemic hit. I know in my heart that my sister would still be here today to raise her beautiful young daughter and live a full life had she not been filled with ridiculous shame and led to believe the ignorant stigmatization surrounding mental illness. We didnt have a very good childhood, not having a father in our lives affected him deeply, and for me he was always the man I looked up to, idolized and cherished. It's a possibility and it sucks. A place to get personal things off your chest. Go and tell those people that you love and appreciate, that you love and appreciate them. I miss him so much and just want to see him again. Im thankful we have a strong, close family (a family he built with my mother), but the alternating pain, anger, sadness, numbness, disbelief is terrible. When a family member died prematurely of disease, it was at least a natural death. Do not accept blame from yourself or others. All of the pain and anger and relief and stress you will experience is normal, and although I may not be a counselor or a therapist, you can contact me at matthewenzel@gmail.com if you need to talk about it. If you are thinking of hurting yourself, or even if you just need someone to talk with, please call the National Suicide Helpline at 1-800-273-8255 or visit their website where you can do a live online chat https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/, Dawn September 2, 2022 at 7:14 pm Reply, Chris, when I read what you wrote it was as if Im reading something written by my son. I know my life is changed and I do wonder when I will find my zest for life again. I want you to know that your pain is completely normal and okay. Here's a closer look at the incident, the case and what followed afterwards: The murder. I just keep thinking about what could have happened if I have of texted him that morning. This happened on Labor Day at my fathers house in the country. My Brother Killed Himself. Ive blamed myself for not being the son that I should have been. I miss him so much, its like he took the rest of my life with him. My family does not understand. Sounds strange, but it will being you back to this moment in time. All the feels and more that you describe are very accurate and hard to cope with at the same time. The gun didnt go off (It was his mothers gun and Ive never seen it fires in my lifetime because something was wrong with the firing pin) In pure shock my mom could only sit there.